I was planning to write a longer post for this mega and then Silksong happened so… oops?
Short version is this week is my 9th tranniversary. I don’t remember which day exactly so I like to say it was 9/11 so I’d never forget. What ultimately cracked my egg all those years ago was not the deep yearning when looking at women that I couldn’t identify as envy or the increasingly intense and umm horny dreams where I had the power to instantly change my gender. No it was that fucking faceapp gender swap filter. I just kept staring at that pic like it was a mirror into an alternate universe where I was happier and suddenly everything clicked into place. The first few years were hit or miss with a lot of other life changes happening at the time that interfered with getting properly started so in some ways it’s more like a 5 or 6 year tranniversary but whatever. 
It’s weird to say I’m almost done but I really am so close to making all the changes I wanted. I’ll never stop being trans, but I’m definitely moving from trans(itioning) femme to trans(itioned) femme and that’s quite exciting. And maybe a little wistful looking back at the journey.
Have a good week everyone!
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s/o to charlie kirk, the first man to ever cause me to achieve orgasm
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Im gonna be modelling on a runway~
Got selected! Doesn’t pay. I also dont have to pay anything. I think it’ll be fun!
Oooh, that does sound like it’d be really fun. I hope you have a good time!
Play 911 in reverse and you get towers being constructed and birthing planes and I think that change of perspective is beautiful
Went to trans night at the commie bar last night. Had a good time
got compliments and a touch more on my outfit (and height) from multiple people and like damn yall i get it im tall but stfu im not a top spend 30 seconds with me and its obvious lol, im just tall But i did my eyeliner and makeup last night for the first time since april and it felt so good to wear my armour again! I love it and it just is so funnn! I just need to do it early in the day so i can recover for a couple hours from the intense dysphoria of looking in the mirror…
unexpected downside of charlie kirk biting it: i have a hangover for the first time in like 7 years
etsy witches cursing right wingers does work, keep doing that
I want it known this was how I found out
it was how we found out too haha
I think a lot about those studies that showed just knowing a trans person is enough to change people’s opinion positively on trans right. Like not being friends or family, just knowing of a trans person.
That’s why I kind of love being a huge, beautiful, goofy, obviously trans woman with amazing style who, as a meme I once saw said “was a a pleasure in class and I’m determined to make that everyone’s problem”.
Like I am going to start a conversation with you ostensibly Cis person and you will enjoy it. Then if trans rights ever come down the track as topic, you are gonna remember me and have a positive opinion.
I like passing but its a little sad to not be read as trans. One of my coworkers didnt know I was trans until me and her had talked to a trans patient about healthcare and clothing stuff and sge asked me how I knew that all - and was surprised when I said I was trans. We’d known eachother for over a year!
I fully respect people who do stealth cause thats their preference or for safety but I like being openly trans
I don’t try to go stealth but apparently I pass reasonably well because I have told cis people that I’m trans, or at least alluded to having transitioned in a way that I’d think the people I was talking to understood and they just continue to believe that I am somehow just a very tall cis lesbian with a deep voice. I have told medical professionals who can see the gender dysphoria diagnosis on my chart that I do not have a uterus, I have never had a period in my life, I was born without a uterus or ovaries and they just shrug and go “huh alright”. I’ve had coworkers who didn’t realize I was trans for a year. I told them I was. They forgot? I’ve fostered kids who didn’t realize I was trans (the kids who did realize were uniformly cool about it, this could mean nothing).
I live as out as I can but sometimes there is that math you have to do in your head about whether it’s worth disclosing to someone or not. Most of the time I just let people figure it out themselves eventually. If it comes up, it comes up, it’s part of who I am but it is not the most interesting part of who I am and I’m not leading with it.
Never underestimate the obliviousness of cis people. It’s really something.
I do, now, get the “are you pregnant” when Im getting a vaccine or whatever. And they dont listen if you coyly get around it lol, saying I dont have a uterus usually works.
I had a hell of a time trying to pass for years. I dont know what’s changed exactly over the last couple years. I guess just more time on HRT.
Or else
Some of the fiercest cis allies I’ve had have been random people in (fuckass nowhere reactionary shithole) who happened to know trans people. When you’re confronted with the reality that we’re not some weird Other that exists in porn or as a punchline or just that weird lady (?) who makes me kind of uncomfortable and scurries around like a scared animal whenever I see her, it makes it hard to maintain those prejudices. This goes for any people who are marginalized/othered. It goes for us too.
Just a genderfluid tboy wearing a lace croptop and 00’s era bedazzled pants
I alternate between “Tarot is not real, its a fun parlour game for self-reflection”.
And “as a trans woman I have profaned both man and nature to gain mystical foresight like my many sisters before me”.
tarot is not real, unless it tells me that Yeah I Do Deserve Some Pizza As a Little Treat and then it is the gospel truth
Yo I drew the 7 of Coins/pentacles, 6 of swords and the 9 of cups which definitely means you’ve been working hard, trans, and deserve a pizza.
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*sigh* yea… yea
many such cases
Ugh omigod mooooood. Im hoping meds will help with the executive function problems
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its so distracting. Or just daydreaming tbh…deleted by creator
God thats so real… I spend time with friends -> how will i emotionally recover from this. Like, everything is just so fucking draining now… Goddamn. I keep on going tho, i keep on going, i keep on, i keep, i, ,
transphobia, hopelessness, ugh
I don’t regret coming out, but I just wish I could put it on pause just for a day or two so I can breathe. I’m so sick of how people treat me, and I’m so sick of begging people to use my god damn name. I don’t even hate my deadname. I actually kind of like it as a name if I’m being honest. But the downright refusal to use the name I’m explicitly asking people to use just feels like a slap in the face every single time. I’ve told my dad several times now that I don’t want to talk about it anymore, and that he can just do what he wants because I’m done feeling like I have to justify myself to him. I asked him if he saw the possibility of a world in which what he was doing was wrong and he said “I am rarely ever 100% certain about anything, but I’m 100% certain you’re not a woman.” Like at this point trying to talk to him about it is not worth it. But he just keeps fucking bringing it up. Has sent me 5 page long letters written in google docs asking me to see things from his perspective. That he’s trying to do what’s right for me and that I shouldn’t be mad at him for it. The only reason I’m still talking to him at all is because I have $38 in my bank account right now. The financials are kinda shot right now. And sometimes he sends me money. I feel trapped. I just want to leave this god forsaken town in this god forsaken country. I’m so emotionally burnt out and I don’t know what to do.
spoiler
You are a woman
Having your identity and feelings dismissed by a man is super apropos though lol
Some of you, like the people who are pretty young and poor and just having the worst time of things, I just wanna scoop you all up and take you to my city and feed you soup for a couple days then get your lives started away from shitty family
spoiler
Something about opening up that spoiler and seeing that first line, in the context of the post you were replying to, really hit me in the feels.
I would absolutely love to live in a world where I could be scooped up and fed soup and taken care of for a few days. I absolutely love my sister with every part of me, but pretty much every single other person in my family I cannot stand anymore. Just because of how they think it’s acceptable to treat me.
spoiler
That’s so rough I’m sorry.
I think it’s okay to retreat a bit and regroup, if humoring your dad means a chance to get some money which might help you in the long run.
Stuffs tough.
spoiler
yeah… I think I’m only just now realizing how much it all has been affecting me. Yeah that’s the thought. That I’m keeping my dad around until hopefully I can get to the point where I don’t have to anymore. Or at least take a break from him. If he keeps acting the way he’s acting I don’t really see myself wanting it to just be a break.
scared the class when talking about charlie kirk the other day, whoops
Vampire The Masquerade describes vampire sex as “a biting frenzy”
Say no more, sign me up for a biting frenzy
Waow
acab includes doctors
All doCtors Are Bad
Yeah ill take A DAB, fuck the doctors orders
we dont understand how in the current state of things in the US people are still telling trans people to go see a doctor for hrt… like are you paying attention at all or???
not like a majority of doctors understand trans healthcare at all anyway xP
Because DIY isnt, like, easy or straight forward and you have to deal with crypto and its still good to have an endo/prescriber who can figure out your lab values but also help you deal with mental health shit and fertility shit (the two most common concerns with the transgender patient population besides gender affirming care). Some people have insurance that covers meds and otherwise have to pay out of pocket for DIY.
I get the fear that a doctor might not be an ally to say the least. Knowing how to get DIY is a good skill even if you have a great doc who has your back. And I get that doctors aren’t all geniuses who know the WPATH in and out - or know when to ignore the WPATH recommendations and go with current research. I don’t know how to handle the balance of risks and benefits with yall yankees.
its not the fear of a doctor not being an ally (though many such cases) but the fact that most doctors dont got a bloody clue what they are doing when it comes to trans healthcare period, or just dont care to know. also you really dont need a doctor to read two numbers from a lab and compare them to well known baselines.
i feel like calling getting prescription E “easy or straightforward” is just sugarcoating it, especially right now when its so unstable. the amount of hoops you potentially have to jump through is significant.
the US govt (yes this is a US centric post as stated, but it also applies to like… many places at the moment) is actively trying to collect everyones medical records, is actively trying to ban trans people from existence, and is actively throwing people in concentration camps. i dont see how recommending someone go risk that over at least researching diy is a good idea.
It’s been said already, but going through doctors is a necessity for surgery. That’s not to imply DIY is worse or anything, just the reality of the situation. The risk of medical history being used maliciously is an acceptable risk for someone in this situation.
Im definitely not saying people should be prescription only. I think grey market is good and is part of how we as a community stay resilient. I think its important to get people on HRT as quick as possible and, yeah, that usually means grey market. But DIY isnt an easy process and crypto isnt easy so there’s reasons why people suggest going through a doctor still.
I know people have had shitty experiences with doctors. I have my own experiences, and I trust mine. I have a different set of experiences because my docs were through the gender clinic or through a trans healthcare thing specifically. I work with a bunch. I work with a bunch of dumb ass doctors and I work with a bunch of genius doctors that make me glad Im not doing their jobs.
Its not just 2 lab values, it depends on what youre taking. Monitoring E and T levels isnt difficult and you can do that on your own for sure.
i feel like calling getting prescription E “easy or straightforward” is just sugarcoating it, especially right now when its so unstable. the amount of hoops you potentially have to jump through is significant.
At least when I started 1.5 years ago, it was super easy and straightforward (as someone with insurance, not a minor, and in a large state with informed constant) despite being in Texas. Figuring out the grey market seems much more difficult (and expensive). Of course the lack of reliability means that I’d want backups (either stockpiles or being ready to switch to DIY). Also Texas specifically has also shown it wants lists of trans people for some reasons and I’m sure it not for anything bad (/s), so maybe not going through official means makes a lot of sense.
I don’t know how to handle the balance of risks and benefits with yall yankees.
😭
its still good to have an endo/prescriber who can figure out your lab values
This is the main reason I’m even looking into non-DIY as an option. The other reason is the potential for surgeries at some point.
That said, it seems like the safer and more stable option is DIY, and like you said that’s a good thing to know how to handle anyway. I’m strongly leaning that’s direction. I tend to have a bit of a DIY streak anyways, and I super do not trust medical records to be in any way private.
Hey just so you know, in most states you can get your own labs without seeing a doctor in person. Plenty of people are using DIY HRT with the same lab tests you would get from Planned Parenthood.
Good to know. This isn’t the first time you’ve dropped some helpful knowledge on me. Thank you!
You’re welcome! If you have any questions about blood tests I’m happy to share what I know.
US Politics
Even prior to more recent events being able to get HRT through your Dr in the US was a crapshoot at best, and within the past 9 months there have been consistent and escalating legislative attacks against trans healthcare. Even in the few areas where HRT via prescription is more easily accessible, there is anxiety around how reliable and stable that will be moving into the future.
There are also many instances of hardline advocating for HRT via prescription being paired with hardline anti-DIY sentiment. As not straight forward as it can be, there are gonna be circumstances (that I would argue happen more often than not) where DIY is going to be the most simple and reliable way to get HRT and giving information and assistance regarding DIY is gonna be significantly more constructive than insisting the “proper” way is through a doctor
Yeah I agree, DIY is absolutely part of how trans people should know to get HRT. Yeah it can be faster and it means no one can shut off our medication just cause some legal bullshit.
So I don’t live in the US. But I have seen many trans women with either completly ineffective, or dangerous officially prescrived hormones regimes here. The diy girlies generally speaking have better hrt regimes here, cause they have more of a clue and motivation than cis doctors. Docs are neglectful at best, ime. (I also have an endo I ignore, cause he is neglectful, just so that the insurance knows I am trans. And to give the prescription E to others)
Only reason I’m considering it is wanting surgery at some point
I do not feel old enough to make these risk calculations :/
