it’s hot. also i’m growing cacti from seed which is new to me and i’m excited, a few of them are sprouting now. how are you?
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Sorry I meant ask me a few questions. I don’t really know tbh lol. I’m just trying to find a productive way to work through my anxieties.
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For example just saying I want to use she/her pronouns is hard even though its true. I’ve been taking baby-steps towards presenting more femme, pushing myself up to and slightly past my comfort zone but in safe spaces.
I’m a tired millennial and really don’t want to keep waiting until someone finds out or I’m 100% ready. I have too much else to do. I do have an appointment with a therapist, but I don’t want to just wait until then to try and work through my stuff
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One thing that seems to be true of trans femmes around our age that came out after adulthood, is were all very good at denying the things we want and depersonalizing. You’ve probably had a life time of self denial where those neural patterns are very worn in. You will have to learn to want the things you want and let yourself feel it.
If you want others to use she/her pronouns - tell them! Keep presenting femme, wear a skirt, a dress, wear makeup, grow your hair. Take HRT! Voice train (please by all that is holy, start ASAP. You might feel embarrassed or have a hard time starting, do it and start training - I swear passing is like 80% voice training)
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Omg the first sentence is very true lol. Like I was wearing femme clothes in private, and only bought things that I could most easily hide under mens clothing, or were super cheap and not something I had (like I had one dress so I wouldn’t buy another). Now that my partner knows, its so hard to look at clothes and think whether or not I like it, since I got so used to just having whatever. And when dressing masc my whole life, I never really liked anything. Come to find out, apparently I looked weird in mens clothing lol.
I’ve tried make-up a few times, and would take pictures. Its when I started tearing up and thought “wait, am I hot?” that I realized I had to do something instead of hiding. And luckily I have great hair :) I have even been cat called which was a weirdly mixed experience. I wasn’t even really presenting femme, just bent over in my garden…
Thank you
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So I’m gen z, so my headspace may be a little bit different, but I’d say come out as soon as you know and are comfortable doing so. It’s never too early to come out. You are trans when you say you are. Anybody shaming you for not being femme enough to be out is just an asshole.
For me personally, I started presenting outwardly when the discomfort of hiding myself surpassed the discomfort of the transphobia and stares. I didn’t really get much from therapy when it comes to my trans journey, I just kept throwing myself out there repeatedly until it became more uncomfortable to boy mode than to be myself. I still get dysphoria about not passing occasionally, but honestly I feel way better about not passing now than I did a few years ago.
Thank you <3
It really helps to hear this. Especially where my thoughts and feelings are all over the place day to day.
Do not, my friend, become addicted to boy-moding. It WILL ruin your life. Just fucking send it. Stay vigilant. <3
Lol thank you, it is a weird brain experience
Makes sense to me. When I came out to my brother, I’m glad he asked pushed me to express myself more. Not sure what you want questions about though.
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Its hard changing when you are so used to hiding things, not just from others, but primarily yourself. So many coping mechanism unconsciously formed. I can’t provide much help since I’ve been taking things far slower than I’d recommend to anyone.
What are the things you are feeling most anxious about? Coming out to specific people? General treatment by public? Facing your own thoughts? Figuring out what you want?
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Thanks for the message. Coming out to my parents for sure, though my mom told my partner that she can tell theres some kind of barrier between us. Maybe I should tell her I’m bi first… Lol.
I’m definitely struggling with knowing what I want/like (in general really) and its no doubt from years of hiding. I have just came out to the first person I wanted to (my partner basically figured it out so I didn’t have to tell them lol) and the rest of the day I was so exhausted from the anxiety and sudden ending of the source of it, I could hardly keep my eyes open. I’m feeling less anxious now which is nice, but I think I’ll still be worried about treatment by the public.
Ohh, and I’m a national level athlete in a very gendered sport. So thats weighing on me pretty heavily too.
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Can certainly be stressful regardless of how you expect it to go. Best of luck with that.
Always my favorite way to come out to others is not having to.
That sounds really rough. Guess you can’t just hide it there. Have you looked in how switching would go?
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So I can hide it for awhile, probably until I have noticable boobs lol. But, its hard to know how hrt will affect my performance. And then there’s the issue with if I’m still really competitive, what does that say for trans women in sport? I can solve the coming out problem, but the sport problem is much harder.
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People are sometimes incredibly unaware of things. I think for most people, they have to be un-ignorable for some to notice. Granted, if you aren’t overweight and have thin and tight uniforms, that might be a lot earlier.
That was more more concern. A lot of people talk about pretty quickly noticing difference in their physical abilities. Personally, I’ve been surprised by the lack of drop-off. But I almost never strength train and I think some sports have 2+ year requirements of taking HRT (which I don’t meet that requirement).
The fact that its so politicized sucks. Like, even if somehow you disproved all kinds of research suggesting otherwise, I think learning more would be a cool outcome in a vacuum.