Hello lovelies! Everything is a lot lately, but we’re here to cheer you on and let you know that we are here with you. You are beautiful, you are loved, and you matter. 
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I really struggle with doing things people might judge/tease/etc me about. A recent example, I recently bought an emulation handheld and really like it and playing it on my breaks instead of doomscrolling. But I always feel super on edge when someone else is around.
I know the feeling. It’s this apprehension of being perceived and then judged/teased/etc even if what you’re doing is nothing weird - right?
What type of handheld emulation did you get yourself? It does sound like a lot of fun and definitely better for your mental health than doomscrolling
A puppy came up to me and licked my leg, sneezed, stepped away and came back for another lick. So I’m doing pretty great
I’ve been re-reading your comment for two days in a row and I’m still jealous. How cute was that puppy?!
So I’m about 75% ready for the move. I need a few more essentials purchased and I’m gonna use part of my paycheck this week to do that. I also need to figure out if I want to pay for professional movers, hire amateurs for cheap, or get my friend to help. I checked a few prices as currently the cheapest would be $300 which I can possibly swing.
I think after the move, I’m gonna take a few weeks to settle in, then reach back out to PSL and start to really focus on organizing. Like do it for real this time. I don’t have much else really going on besides my current coding project, but that can be done here and there as I feel up to it. Talking with an anarchist friend who will possibly be onboarded in some capacity, or I will be working in coalition, but we have a few ideas brewing for where PSL can show up. We want to do a tennant’s union on his block since it’s a poor neighborhood that is all owned by one landleach. We want to work on a committee for low income kitchen staff(basically a cook’s union). And the one I’m really interested in is a union for the unhoused. We have both been working with the unhoused for years and are in coalition with the city’s only real all-volunteer low barrier shelter. If we could get 5-10 people involved in each of those, that would be a hell of a start but that’s a big ask. I think I need to start doing public speaking to get people riled up.
Mental health update: numb
Over the next couple of months, I’m probably gonna use this space as a quasi-diary of sorts. It helps to get my thoughts out and y’all are so supportive.
While I do think you could use a break still, I fully understand that desire to get organizing (again) in earnest. I love the idea of a union for the unhoused, like holy shit, that is so overdue. I really hope you, your anarchist friend, and anyone who feels like helping can make your projects work. I’m rooting for you, Roux
As to the mental health update: numb is different to what you had before, so I’m just gonna say, you are going through it, an this shit hurts and takes time. I believe in you, and I believe you will get better. Apart from your projects being a good distraction, I also think being surrounded by new/different people can help you with your personal situation. Humans do have that kind of effect sometimes :) I wish you all the best, and please do use the mega/hexbear as a diary. We’re here to listen and support you
Am I in the wrong? I sometimes, when people refer to bourgeois as inhuman or talk about people throwing away their humanity or being worthless, get my feathers a little ruffled and try to say something defending not their actions, but their humanity and its inherent worth. I fear I am being–or at least sounding–counter-revolutionary. I just think with the way dehumanizing is used against us (as communists but also “us” as in disabled folk) we would want not to wield it as a weapon ourselves. I also have some self-esteem/self-worth issues that make me want to defend my own humanity by defending that of any and every person. Then I know there are folks who don’t fully identify as human in various ways, and I kinda get that too, but I think that’s a different topic? Like, I know Musk is a nazi, but we can’t forget that he is capable of great kindness and chooses not to show it. If he is a snarling beast, who can blame him for his actions? If he is a human, who could not? I thought about posting something like this site-wide, but I’ve noticed some people on the site can be hostile towards more subtle disability issues, so I thought posting it here would reach more of the people I’m speaking to.
i always think this too actually!! it really bothers me when people say someone is an inhuman monster cos like, no, the whole point is that they aren’t! you are not inherently different from them in some genetic way, it’s only in a class way, which is why it’s important to acknowledge priviledge and material interests!
im like 90% sure this is an autism literal thinking issue, however
Ah, that may be it. I have some tendencies associated with autism, but I’ve never gone to get diagnosed. But yeah, it should be important to recognize that under different circumstances, we could be drastically different.
I think the definition of “inhuman monster” is the interesting crux here. The the origin of inhuman is probably ableist (I’m sure, I just don’t know for certain), I don’t see it much used in a “not human genetically speaking” kind of way. I guess the effect of the word is very much changed with common usage for a lot of people, leading to mean “Someone who willfully and knowningly behaves against the best interests of other humans and/or harms them”. From what you two describe, I think the word that has the meaning of dehumanization is probably “non-human”.
It’s semantics, let’s be real, and I don’t think either variant is good. But for me, using inhuman in that sense of actively working against humans actually feels pretty apt. I like using it on people like Musk, Thiel, Besos and the likes. Material conditions allowed them to change and become antagonistic against their fellow people, and they chose to do so. I hope we can come up with a derogatory word to put with bourgeois that isn’t ableist in origin tho.
wah wah, my room got water spilled in it by repair people today, which is triggering the fuck out of my agoraphobia bc i dont like people coming into my room in the first place for fear of stuff like this happening
Oh no sweetie
hope the room can be dried quicklyyea it’s mostly okay!! i need to buy a new pillow though, it got soaked and memory foam doesn’t really handle that well :(
No, it really doesn’t
welp the super important genetics appointment we had coming up just got cancelled because of “changes in the department”. cant wait to wait another 6 months to a year to have it now. yippee.
Sort of finally sinking in and I’m doing a bit better but this still hurts so goddamn much. I have a place to stay temporarily until I can move into my apartment. I have a bunch of stuff ordered for moving but I’m gonna have to start a fund drive over on the mutual aid comms to get through this. I need to pay for a moving truck and get a few other things so I probably won’t need too much but it’s gonna be one of those “anything helps” posts.
I think I’m gonna be ok in the end. This sort of thing happens to me a lot. Just not quite on this scale. I fucking loved her so goddamn much and even though we had issues, she was the first person to actually put in the work for the support I needed. We have 2 kids together and she wants to do co-parenting with is great but this hurts so fucking much. I’m gonna be alone. I don’t need that much physical contact but I still need it. My depression is gonna get so much worse now.
I don’t know if/when I’ll try to date again but I need someone in my life, somehow. I’m 42 years old and this is the first time I’ll be on my own without any sort of direct support. I don’t know what the fuck to do.
And just like that I’m fucking crying again.
I have faith you’re gonna be okay, too, comrade. Hope you can heal well, and that you’re able to surround yourself with the kind of love you need. It’ll probably feel like a roller coaster for a while as you adjust, but it’ll even out as you find your footing again.
Lol I can have GI issues, and I just farted for 30 seconds.
in the 90s you could’ve had a tv show
Okay but thats kind of a superpower.
Honestly impressive (sorry for your GI issues, though)
I’ve been thinking about my diet in general and have a few thoughts/questions
cw: discussion of meat
While I thoroughly enjoy veggie as well as vegan meals bc holy hell there’s a lot of amazing dishes, I do sometimes have these meat cravings (salami for example). I’m not in a position that I can be picky with what I eat since my food problem combo of diabetes and celiac disease excludes a lot of veggie/vegan alternatives that I have available bc they’re either not gluten free or they have carbohydrates. I’m wondering if anyone else here has a similar issue with their diet and could maybe recommend me some snacks (apart from plain vegetables) that are spicy but gluten free and don’t have carbohydrates. Salami, at least in my personal experience, is one of the few things that both have a lot of flavor and don’t include the two things I’m trying to avoid.
At the same time, I’m also wondering if I’m just too terrified to go experimenting because of my preexisting conditions OR because meat is an easily accessible option for these “I want snacks but none of the health-related issues” that just makes me lazy. Most of my meals are vegetarian, quite a few could be turned fully vegan with a slight modification.
Idk, I guess I’m writing all of this bc on the one hand I want to stop eating animals, but on the other I’m already so severely limited in my food choices that I feel like I’d be leaving out a lot of stuff I could potentially eat. It’s a moral dilemma for me.
hmmmm that’s a tricky needle to thread. i am vegan and a fellow celiac sufferer and i find those alone eliminate a huge swath of options. that said
food and such
depending on exactly how low carb you are looking for maybe something like hummus and crunchy veggies could be an option? trail mix perhaps? both can be spiced p much however you’d like. tofu is fantastic and ultra-versatile but that’s probably not telling you anything new. you can use it (or mushrooms, if those are an option) to make jerky though which is def snackable. going up a rung in the carb count there’s stuff like khatta meetha (punjabi mix, madras mix, etc), basically crunchy indian snack food of varying levels of carbs, though those specifically may be all too heavy for you. there’s a lot of varieties so you may be able to find some that fit the bill?
tbh i find that even with just my restrictions snacking is basically not a thing that happens anymore. not to say it can’t be done (particularly if you’re creative) but you may have to dedicate some serious research time to recipes if this is a path you want to go down.
thanks for taking the time to respond
Hummus is a rather carbohydrate rich meal actually, it usually doubles as a full dinner for me in combo with crunchy veggies, which I love. I like your other suggestions tho, and I’ll try to figure out the jerky situation with mushrooms. They’re very versatile, so maybe that’s the road to go down here. Thank you again
I think the hardest part about switching is finding the time, energy, and ingredients that suit your pallette and your dietary needs. It kind of requires some clarifying questions if that’s ok? I wouldn’t mind digging up some recipes/options to try if you’re up for it, since there’s so many out there.
Clarifying questions
Are you specifically wanting to start with snack-y foods? Can you have bulgur wheat or is that off the menu? Also, how are you with spice levels/any ingredients that you usually avoid because you just don’t like them? Do you have access to a fridge/place to cook the items or do you need recipes with minimal effort and tools required? Do you like sauces/dips and are there any ones (like soy sauce, for example) that you want/need to avoid? One of my favorite snacks is just plain popcorn with random seasoning or a chickpea spread that I flavor different ways. If you’re looking for a more umami/protein flavor there’s ways to do savory oats and oat bars. Any nut allergies or anything? I can DM you some recipes if you’d like, just let me know.
Thank you so much love and of course you can ask questions!
I have a wide variety of dishes for dinner or lunch time, but I’m very specifically looking for snacks without carbohydrates that are gluten free. As for spices/ingredients that I don’t like, I think the only one I don’t enjoy is ginger. I have full access to a kitchen, bulgur I can’t eat and a lot of sauces I’d have to make myself since they’re not available gluten free where I live. But that’s something I’m happy to do. I also have plenty of time to try out new dishes, so don’t concern yourself with prep time. And no, no nut allergies whatsoever. Popcorn is a good idea, however it’s heavy on carbohydrates and especially for snacks, I’d like to avoid it mostly :)
After that big feedback post about disabled and neurodiverse community members a few weeks ago, I figure we’d have immediately defederated from instances with clearly ableist names.
See: crazypeople.online
i thought that was self- referential. i’m not going to tell [people what to reclaim or not, but if their thing is posting people to shit on i’d think we would’ve never been federated in the first place
How exactly is that ablist? I feel it is but I don’t know why.
I suppose most people don’t ask to be a person people call crazy. I’ve known and loved people who couldn’t help but need a visit to a mental hospital sometimes. And people who visit institutions for things they can’t help get called crazy, which is such a stigmatizing and watering down of the complexity of any person.
Have you seen a lot of posts from there? I haven’t been around for a hot minute, but I know things have been a little hectic recently.
Mh-/+
I’m just slowly regaining my mental health after tesnions that spiraled the YouTuber community to record low. She already banned me two weeks ago from her channels.
It can be hard losing a connection like that, hope you’re healing okay comrade
