Totally. Only that I postponed the thing I had to do for even longer.

Your post made me realize that I postpone because I am afraid of hyperfixating. When I hyperfixate I do things that I don’t want to be do, but that have to be done to make them right.

Like I expected, when I finally did what I had to do, I found something that was not right, and spent some additional time on it without being able to let go.

Here is an older thought about it: Could it be that ADHD is an identity thing? Essentially like transsexual but for being and not sex. Hyperfocussing is like wearing a mask, not out of fear of social reactions but from the inability of maintaining my identity. I lost my day by being afraid of experiencing being-dysphoria. It only ends when the fear of the consequences of inaction are bigger than the fears of dysphoria.

I thought I had ADHD but RFKjr says I just need discipline, maybe I should have listened to my parents about needing discipline when I was a teen. I bet lack of discipline is why I excel in everything I do but don’t seem to do anything including things I like. Definitely, it’s lack of discipline keeping me from journaling and playing tetris or practicing guitar. It’s definitely lack of discipline that explains why I can never keep my house clean for more than a day, or why trash nests seemingly spawn around me. It’s definitely lack of discipline that makes me sit in the bathroom, next to the already running shower, trying to build up the nerve to endure the state change and just get in the shower.

It’s discipline right? Right? Because if it isn’t I’m gonna need a lot of apologies from all the folks who said it was along the way. And some fucking adderall.

Yep. I’m medicated now, and it’s helping me with making healthy routines. Chores for the kids are actually delegated at a reasonable time on weekends, I get my shit done in a reasonable time, and then have time to just chill and watch my show, do a hobby, and even spend time with my family.

If you suspect you might have ADHD, go get checked.

I finally got diagnosed at fucking 40

That’s a good day. On an average day an express train of thought takes me from doing nothing to and right into existential dread without intermediate stops.