I feel pretty confident I’m not a woman. But I could be non-binary. I guess I worry about taking on a label without “doing the work”… It feels like stolen valor if I don’t actively make a point to stand out (and I don’t always care to), but that’s probably just brainworms?

5 years ago, I avoided using they/them as my pronouns cause I had similar concerns. Now I have a hard time understanding what you mean even though I used to think the same (tbf, I probably never knew what I meant either; it was more of a feeling than a rational thought).

Like I’d probably even just stick to my current pronouns. I don’t even mind being called a man, but what does that mean if I’m rocking a skirt, purse, lipstick, jewelry and looking fierce? Could I say I’m non-binary if someone asked? Do I have to change my name?

I haven’t changed my name, despite it being a masc name and I don’t really mind that most people use masc pronouns. If you rather call yourself an NB than a man, do it. Whether its just something you keep to yourself or if you tell others doesn’t make any difference in whether you are an NB or not. Plenty of trans people rather not stand out either (even some NBs, despite there not really being any realistic way to be perceived as a cis NB). Being trans doesn’t obligate you to want to be a gender activist.