If you carry one thing with you today, let it be this: you are beautiful, you matter, and you are loved.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
“Disability” is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
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im autistic and am basically only friends with autistic people with like, one or two exceptions. i find talking to non-autistic people generally frustrating, and even those im close to I get pretty constantly frustrated that they don’t tell me things or assume things i didn’t intend.
as for the injustice sensitivity, it really drives me nuts too and is probably why i am drawn to leftist causes. generally i just vent about it to one of my autistic friends to get it out of my system and disengage when i feel myself getting bothered otherwise. but i’m kinda a people pleaser so i don’t have trouble disengaging
also read unmasking autism that one’s good
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the person i vent to is also in the friend group, we’ve just accepted we both have the type of autism that makes us rly petty and bitchy over nothing so we keep it to ourselves in dms lol
but i definitely recommend having more than one friend group in case one implodes. i have two that serve different purposes personally, one that’s more supportive and one that’s more silly. if you go into neurodivergent spaces and are aggressively friendly things tend to work out, or at least it did for me
Welcome in! I’m gonna try and respond as best I can, please let me know if at any point I’m unclear or come off in a negative way.
On resisting identifying as Neurodivergent
I’ll start by sharing that I have told two people outside of Hexbear that I got diagnosed as AuDHD last year, and that I have a fair bit of anxiety when thinking about sharing it openly with everyone I know or may meet. That anxiety comes from the stigma of being labeled and ‘othered’, which I think a lot of folks here can probably relate to. With the political climate in the US, where I’m at, autism has become increasingly more difficult to speak on because of the misinformation being spread and the anti-science talking points that are pervasive within the general populace and the current administration. One of my favorite websites right now is stimpunks, which I’ve posted about before in the neurodiverse comm. I think a lot of us were taught to mask and hide our differences growing up because the world has told us our natural behaviors are wrong and meant to be corrected, leaving us resistant to the very things that make us comfortable with ourselves. Fighting that internal stigma can be really, really hard. I am still adjusting to the idea of being ND almost a year after my diagnosis because I’ve been so heavily masked for so long, but we have such a welcoming and wonderful community here on Hexbear that I’ve become noticeably more comfortable with my ND tendencies IRL and here on the site. I think it’s wonderful that you want to be more openly accepting of yourself!! The Unmasking Autism book by Devon Price was a huge eye-opener for me as to why I felt the way I did and what masking really meant in my daily life. I’d recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about themselves and others who identify or have been diagnosed as autistic. Their book Unlearning Shame is also another great read (I’m about halfway through it right now). I’ve struggled with relationships a lot as well, and I found this book on emotional maturity really helped me with understanding some of my emotional baggage and trauma. It’s older, and should be taken with a heavy dose of critique, but I think the general messages are sound. I’m sure if you search the ND community for some book recs, there’s a few posts with a place for reading lists/videos/articles as well.
on relationships
I don’t have much in terms of advice for calling people out/virtue signaling. A lot of the time in situations like that I’ve had to ask myself internally what I expect from the other person if I’m going to say something to them about a certain topic. We all have the slop that we like to consume, whether it’s games, food choices, or literature. Everyone deserves a modicum of respect to lives their lives as they want, so long as it’s not detrimental you and those around you. If it gets to the point where you’re losing respect for the person and their choices, it might be time to truly consider what you’re wanting out of that relationship and if it’s worth continuing. I wish there were more I could offer, but without more information I feel like I’m making too many assumptions and I don’t want to offer up irrelevant blather. I’m open to chat more about it if you want, though.
Hopefully that’s not too ramble-y, and I hope that answered some of your questions.
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Thank you for your response, I learned a couple of things just from you sharing and I appreciate it! A lot of what you said really resonates with a lot of my own experiences.
just continuing the convo, sharing a little about myself
I tend to do this as well, but moreso once burnout really started to catch up to me several years ago. I didn’t even know it was burnout until reading Dr. Price’s book and getting diagnosed. It’s helped me kind of re-frame a lot of the internalized ableism I’d been carrying around, as well as help me understand a lot about what defines the disorder and how to better adapt to a neurotypical world. If you do get around to reading it I hope it proves beneficial.
I feel this in my soul, comrade. Sensory overload can be so hard to communicate and navigate. I’ve found that scents, foods, sounds, etc. can cause extreme dysfunction for me if I’m not careful.
My apologies, I was definitely trying to keep it as broad as possible without making too many assumptions, so I appreciate your explanation.
Thank you for sharing this, I wasn’t familiar with ODD but I can empathize with a lot of what you shared.
I’m vegan! You taught me a new word, and I have felt this more and more recently the older I get. When I originally made the changes because of health issues, I ended up learning a lot about cooking, the horrors of where our food comes from, and that a lot of my food sensitivities were actually stemming from dairy and meat intolerance. My slop comment was a little harsh. I think I was trying to express my opinion that a lot of people aren’t in a place where change is always viable, since we are still subject to a very dystopian capitalist nightmare that we grow accustomed or adjusted to whether we’re trying to or not. Like with veganism, I try to remind myself not everyone has the privilege of food security or housing that allows for ingredients or tools to prepare certain foods. I don’t disagree with you at all, in fact I relate to a lot of what you shared about feeling surrounded by the constant reminders of everything wrong with the world. It can get exhausting, especially when big emotions and feeling a sense of justice is so common to those on the spectrum. I can’t remember where I read it, but I’ve seen references to people with ASD often displaying a very strong sense of morality with the added benefit of not being swept up into social norms, and that it can cause additional stress if we don’t find outlets and means of regulating around it. Organizing seems like a great way to address those feelings though! That and finding others to share experiences with.
It sounds like you’ve been fair and considerate to your needs as well as those you were interacting with, which is really all you can do, right? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting something different, or something more from relationships. It’s awesome you have a supportive partner, too. Sometimes one person can really make the difference. You deserve a safe space to express yourself and be treated fairly, I hope we can continue to provide that here.
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No worries! We all have limited spoons and lives outside.
It definitely always feels like there’s layers to everything. It makes things harder to navigate sometimes because it can be so isolating. Even with the small stuff, though, I think those feelings matter so much. It’s part of what makes us the beautiful individuals that we are.
Glad you’re already getting some positives out of the book, as well. I still go back and re-read parts of it when I’m having a rough time.
Hit me up or pop in the mega whenever you want to chat, we’ve got a great little community here.