I haven’t seen my therapist in a bit and feel like he would just talk about my “avoidance” but as I’ve gotten to know my partner more, I see amplified traits of my past self that made me a bad person and were ones I spent years trying to fix. A damning realization I’d say, especially when I talk to them about it and they double down on it being a part of who they are. But it really turns me off, especially because things were absolutely incredible early on and I swore I found my soulmate, but these characteristics are part of the reason I’ve been in therapy for nearly 4 years now (e.g. unnecessarily argumentative, anger problems triggered by trivial matters, general emotional volatility) and it‘s really tough to face.
Part of me feels like we found each other because our subconscious minds noticed a familiarity in one another, but I do wonder if this is a recipe for long-term compatibility. Tack on to all of this the fact that I am a bit slower processing information than them, and I don’t know what to do. I first have to broach it with them of course, but even simply addressing my concerns about the relationship often ends in anger/tears :/
Pretty simple question from a birds eye view-- are you wanting to make a serious commitment to this person? And if so are they willing to do the same for you?
If the answer is yes, going to therapy can be the price of admission for taking it to the next level. If they’re unwilling to buy the ticket, they don’t get to take the ride.
If the answer is no, you or they are not looking for that deeper commitment, then it’s moot/a waste of time.
Of course the specifics are way hairier but those are the broader strokes imo. FWIW I’ve been married for 11 years and can count the number of times my partner has upset me deeply on one hand. They have never deeply hurt me or made me cry.
The challenge is that they are nominally on the same page as me, but can never seem to do the hard work when things get tough. And I struggle with this as well, but my boundaries are viewed as a “rejection” which makes things quite difficult
It’s just immaturity to be honest. Like, when your partner says this is important, I need you to do this thing, and you don’t do that thing because it’s hard? What is that?
Yeah also sounds like incompatibility to me