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Does anyone have any advice on how to convince my mother that I’m disabled?
Context tw ableism
I was born with ectrodactyly on both hands and feet. During youth my mom was supportive of me in the “If you try hard enough you can do anything” so of way and to her credit I was pretty athletics and was the goat (international awards and such). But i feel like my athletic prowess skewed her perception of my disability. Now in my twenties, these feet aint made to be stood on and I’ve been condition to assume constant chronic pain is normal. I’ve been using a cane that my grandfather carved for the last week and when my uncle came over yesterday I was telling him about how it has been extending my feet mileage. When my mother entered the conversation that only thing she had to note was that she thought it was a “fashion statement” and laughed :(
This isn’t the first time either, I was talking to my father whos a doctor about wanting to get an ADA parking permit and she chimed in to say it would be selfishly taking away the spot from people who “really need it.” At this point i don’t know where to go with it.
my mother is much the same, though in my case it’s because i actively hid my disability from her more when i was younger. it seems to me that the fact im disabled hurts her sense of self image of being a good parent, or something like that. so it might be similar for u. i dont have any advice but that sucks comrade
If you have a diagnosis or get disability benefits or anything, there’s your proof.
Like you’d assume so right
Hey sweetheart, first of all I’m sorry you have to deal with your mother’s behavior on top of the chronic pain. I think it’s amazing how much you managed to accomplish in spite of it all, and I hope you can feel proud of yourself, for your accomplishments as well as you being you.
That said, I don’t think there is a clear way of making your mother understand how you feel. There’s a few things you can try. If your mom is inclined to listen to you, maybe try to tell her how you feel and how your disability affects you on an emotional level as well as a physical level. Make sure to not compare yourself to others, and stop her from comparing you to others. Say something like “This isn’t about other people, this is about me, how I’m feeling and how I’m struggling.” You need to be very patient but firm while you do it, which is always hard when you talk to a parent. I hope this way works out for you.
If your mother refuses to listen, however, I’d suggest getting that parking permit regardless of what she says. You’re an adult, you have a right to ask for these things and to receive help, whether or not your mother agrees with it or not.
On a more lighthearted note to cheer you up
Having a cane is good if it helps you, but it’s also a good opportunity to customize it and make it your own. Make it look unique to you, if you haven’t done so already, and color it, give it some racing stripes or flames, whatever you like and makes you smile when you use it. It’s your support, and I think it makes it easier to wear it with pride.
Thank you for your support and comment
Luckily I do believe that she is willing to listen with time. In regards to you other note, I made sure to do some customizing and once I decided on using it more I wrapped it with faux leather to make its accents pop 
I hope it does help you
And it sounds lovely! Hope it brings you some joy alongside the help!