I just feel like: if my life isn’t where I wanted it to be by this point, why should I be courteous to others. There’s no reciprocity from them anyways. All I do is live this rut of go work, home and sleep. I know nobody nearby who I can relate to. It drives me crazy how I haven’t met any of these milestones for career, family, or friends. I’m just by myself, screaming explitives into a digital void.
I just don’t like anybody because of that. I don’t like my coworkers and their simple Maga brains, I don’t like my rural locality and it’s dependency on service work for the elderly. I don’t like any of the workers in those services because of how cowed they are and how short they sell themselves. Part of me thinks they deserve their misery for putting up with it all the time. I don’t like the conservative culture of my area and how it limits who I can relate to on a personal level. All this just makes me not like people in general and I feel myself becoming more embittered these days. And even if was more amenable like I used to be, experience has told me that people still wouldn’t want to bother with me anyways. Idk, these days I have such a jaded view of everyone around me.
That does appear to be what it looks like. I’m really screaming into a void right there. Maybe it’s my anger at the whole culture of “revolutionary optimism” that I see online. It seems like a mockery when I read about stuff like the continuation of the genocide in Gaza or the beginnings of the ICE kidnappings and the conditions the people they kidnap are kept in. How can anyone be optimistic when vast swaths of the country support this?! How the hell can anyone see the good in people as a whole?! At this point I just see either bumbling and naively optimistic people on the left (as much as I still respect their good intentions, I must criticize this) and literal cold blooded killers on the right who want to slowly pick us all off. And we just go about our lives, going through the motions until it’s our turn on the future. And we’re re supposed to be optimistic about the outcome of this just because a socdem won a primary in New York for a municipal race?!
I’m not about to tell you the left is winning or that the future looks bright.
Revolutionary optimism is revolutionary because it’s hard to be optimistic in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges.
I understand the urge to give up. I personally won’t judge someone who can’t take losing over and over again but it would be nice if you didn’t try to drag everyone else down with you
Thank you for your understanding. I appreciate it a bit.
Though I will voice my opinion to give a voice to this feeling in what otherwise would be an echo chamber.
If it makes you angry, maybe don’t participate in it? I also don’t particularly like the online left, which is why I limit my interactions a lot. Being active in an org also helps bc people there are often more pragmatic.
I don’t trust orgs. Fear or group project energy tbh.