Today I told some people I’m trans for the first time, and it went really well. They were truly all so supportive and wonderful and I feel so deeply lucky to have them as friends. It still doesn’t really feel real. Like, part of me doesn’t believe it actually happened. Maybe that’s because I got kinda drunk to do it, who can say?
It’s scary too. Having a space where I can be a woman makes beginning to transition feel actually possible, but it’s also overwhelming. I barely knew how to shop for men’s clothes, let alone women’s. Finding a doctor, starting hrt, I have no idea what that looks like or even what my goals for that are, really. I still want to do it all though.
suicidal thoughts, transphobia
Yesterday, I felt seriously like killing myself for the first time. Not nearly as fun a first time as the other one. Despite being majorly depressed for most of my life I was lucky enough to never struggle with suicidal thoughts before. It was the article about the draft UN report talking about the “international push to erase women” and “socially contagious” gender dysphoria. Honestly embarassing that such boring, unoriginal shit from the UN of all fucking places is what did it. I will simply choose to believe it was more from the stress of preparing to tell people.
I don’t usually post things online, it feels nice. Like journalling, but maybe some other people will read it too.
Today I told some people I’m trans for the first time, and it went really well. They were truly all so supportive and wonderful and I feel so deeply lucky to have them as friends. It still doesn’t really feel real. Like, part of me doesn’t believe it actually happened. Maybe that’s because I got kinda drunk to do it, who can say?
It’s scary too. Having a space where I can be a woman makes beginning to transition feel actually possible, but it’s also overwhelming. I barely knew how to shop for men’s clothes, let alone women’s. Finding a doctor, starting hrt, I have no idea what that looks like or even what my goals for that are, really. I still want to do it all though.
suicidal thoughts, transphobia
Yesterday, I felt seriously like killing myself for the first time. Not nearly as fun a first time as the other one. Despite being majorly depressed for most of my life I was lucky enough to never struggle with suicidal thoughts before. It was the article about the draft UN report talking about the “international push to erase women” and “socially contagious” gender dysphoria. Honestly embarassing that such boring, unoriginal shit from the UN of all fucking places is what did it. I will simply choose to believe it was more from the stress of preparing to tell people.
I don’t usually post things online, it feels nice. Like journalling, but maybe some other people will read it too.