Sir Mix-a-Lot (unrelated) is a traveling potion salesman who shows up for my party at suspiciously specific times, and generally has discounted potions specifically tailored for whatever they happen to be doing at the time. For example, if they need to be really strong, he’ll have a bottle of Sir Flex-a-Lot’s Magical Muscle Maximizer, which does increase the strength of one’s muscles, but not of their bones or connective tissue (it was designed to be used only in bodybuilding competitions), so whenever the drinker does a STR check, they must also make a CON saving throw to avoid breaking a bone or tendon. Need to decipher an ancient text? Try Sir Scripts-a-Lot’s Polyglottal-in-a-bottle, which will let you read unknown languages, but also comprehend all unknown languages, even those of the plants and animals around you, making it very difficult to concentrate on any one thing. (inspired by https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/springtime)

Sorry about that, hon. It seems that the line cook forgot the worms on your worm sandwich (sub gluten-free iron-enriched wrap). I’ll throw this out, make a new one from scratch, and get your sandwich to you in a jiffy.

I hope you realize the nature of the ontological can of worms you’re opening here.

I looked it up, seems like some kind of fundraising club for low-ranking enlisted soldiers.

Slightly off topic but what in the All-American fuck is the "Junior Enlisted Association?

Thank you I don’t really have a lot of occasion to be a sassy queer IRL so I have to do it online and it’s hard to read tone but I feel like you’re saying I’m pretty good at it.

Am I Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie? No?

Then why would you read me in public like that

Well this is bullshit I have ADHD where the heck is all the dopamine?

I always assumed the dead internet would slowly, invisibly, creep up on us. I wouldn’t have predicted that they would package and sell it.

A lot of us don’t. I mean I guess that’s the point of the article. My partner and I have said for years “maybe, someday, when we can afford it” and just… never could afford it. Now pushing 40 and still can’t. A kid would be a catastrophic cost for us at the moment. Simple as.

I have an old laptop that does that and the keys are very distracting whenever I hold it in tablet mode. I find myself holding it awkwardly on one side to avoid them, even though I know they’re disabled. It is still a nice feature though, I like being able to transition a laptop to portrait mode sometimes.

I do this too, usually because I’ve run across an odd word choice or turn of phrase. I am way less accurate though.

I’m not superstitious, but when I’m walking on sidewalks or tile floors I have tended to try to avoid cracks or lines. It’s an easy but engaging puzzle to try to do it while maintaining a normal gait, like the ambulatory equivalent of Sudoku.

Then, one day, my high school geometry teacher taught us about angle bisectors and the game changed permanently. Now, in addition to visible lines, any line intersections now produce invisible bisector rays that must also be avoided. I made a picture to show where you can’t step on a sidewalk. It has been decades since high school geometry and I still try to avoid bisector lines any time I’m on a suitable floor. I have never added another rule to the game since, and it wasn’t til this post that I thought about how strange that is.