lattrommi

I can’t afford eggs right now but what i usually did was immediately hard boil half of them, eat two of those and put the rest back in the carton. the hard boiled half always stayed on the right half of the carton, because with the layout of my kitchen, that is the side closer to my oven, so i would know which half are hard boiled.

Battleship.

Yeah, the movie based off the board(?) game.

Feel free to fire up the torches and start handing out the pitchforks, because I’m not playing by the rules.

It doesn’t just look like it will suck, it looks like a ‘so bad it is bad’ type of movie, an overbudgeted ‘this is what is wrong with movies these days’ sort of unmitigated hot wet trash from a dumpster fire in the bad part of town.

It isn’t well written.

It isn’t well acted.

I honestly can’t even promise a good time.

These are the thoughts that went through my mind when I read about it before watching: “This is going to be awful and a waste of my time. These actor names kinda look familiar but I don’t know who any of these people are. Is Rihanna her first name or last name? Isn’t she just a singer. It better not have that stupid umbrella song. Wait, Liam Neeson is in this? Is he doing okay? Did he lose a bet? Does he need money? I bet that evil Jar’jar forced him to to do this. Wait, running time over 2 hours?! How is that even… the board never took more than like 15 minutes… except cheaters moving their… fuck me, I already need a drink.”

Go into the movie with that mindset. Be angry at it before it starts.

Do comic books count? If yes I’d say Spider Jerusalem from Transmetropolitan. If no, General Hunter Gathers from Venture Bros or Dale Gribble from King of the Hill. Maybe Uncle Duke from Doonesbury.

RE: namesake creativity. Hey, at least you spelled it backwards correctly!

Find out, if you can, whether the company has a dress code or uniform. Try to wear clothes similar to their dress code. The interviewer will be able to picture you working as an empoloyee more easily.

If they ask if you have any questions, ALWAYS ask a question, even if it’s a simple one or a little dumb (not too dumb though!). It shows you are actually interested in the position and not just looking for a paycheck. A risky but often good one to ask is “Why are you hiring for this position?” If they need clarification, ask if it is a new role in the company or if someone left, in case of the latter, ask if they gave a reason why they left.

Know your value. Set a minimum wage that you will accept. Don’t take an offer for shitty pay. If they offer a starting wage lower than your minimum, add 33-50% to their offer and guage how they react. If 33-50% doesn’t bring the amount up to or higher than your set minimum, thank them for their time and leave.

Go to the company website and look for their “about us” page. Read everything on the page and try to pick out their key words. Use those words somehow in your interview to describe yourself or your work ethic.

Sleep with the owner. This is a joke to make sure you are paying attention.

Practice an “elevator interview”. That’s where you imagine you just got on an elevator with the person in charge of hiring and you have 30 seconds or less to make a good impression. Take all things into account as if you were really in an elevator. That means try not to fart and wear deodorant. Talk fast but not too fast. End it in a way where they do not even have a chance to respond, you get off the elevator and leave, wishing them a nice day.

Find out if you know anyone already working there or even have a friend of a friend that does. An in-house recommendation always will increase your chances, provided you are on good terms with that person or their mutual friend.

Yes.

What I have difficulty with, is when some wayward knotted cluster I’ve inadvertently consumed, tries to jump ship the next day in the restroom, while having managed to braid itself on one end into my derrière hair, while the other side of it is still chilling somewhere up in my small intestine.

I try to follow a set of rules which define how i should live my life written in my own words, which essentially restate the golden rule/10 commandments/fundamental tenets/etc. I read them as myself, as if I’m giving advice to myself. Pronouns can be tricky. I don’t follow them perfectly and often will tweak the wording, hoping to avoid misinterpretation.

I call them my veritaclaritives. (veritas + clarus = loud and clear truth; probably bad latin)

• Always look out for #1

• Always be prepared for a #2 (e.g. romance, friendships, shit)

• Only desire what you require

• It’s only theft if they need it more than you (emphasis on NEED)

• Create more than you consume

• Help people up, more and before you put anyone down

• Treat everyone as a friend until they prove otherwise (emphasis on both THEY and PROVE; the golden rule)

• Make amends with your friends, before an unexpected end (r.i.p. Nivec)

• Keep your friends close, be your own worst enemy

• If thoughts of any enemy anger you, you’ve already lost (note plural)

• Destroy enemies until they are unable to do you harm

• All enemies can be defeated through unconditional love.