So I had my surgery today for my hemorrhoids. Apparently, as I learned on my way out of the hospital, they were a lot bigger than I or my doctors thought. They were removed completely, and my ass has to be left open to heal during use. The pain is worse than anything I have ever felt in my life, and I probably have endometriosis. Pain killers have little to no effect, I’m lying on the ground at home and can’t eat or drink apart from some water. I wanna die, plain and simple. And this is the good news.

I am, bc of a genetic disposition, very tolerant of pain killers and anesthetics of any sort. I mentioned that multiple times before they put me under. Couple of minutes later I wake up again, a breathing tube already down my throat, and everybody getting ready. I grunt, as I am unable to speak with a tube lodged firmly in my mouth, and the specialist looks at me to say “You shouldn’t be awake.” I grunt again what I hope will sound like an “I know”. Doctor Obvious goes about upping the dosage and I’m passed out again.

Then suddenly, I wake up again and notice the light of the surgical floor directly above me, as I’m being pushed out of the operating room. The nurse notices and tells Doctor Obvious “She’s awake again.” And Doctor Obvious is like “That fast?” and I chime in “Yeah, I don’t think I should be awake yet.”

They bring me to the wakeup room and the slightly burning sensation in my bum rapidly evolves into searing pain. I tell the nurse there, and she gives me a second shot of painkillers. They don’t work. I tell her again, and she’s like “But it’s all in, it should be working by now.” And I say “Well it isn’t.”

In walks my savior, another nurse, who snaps at the one treating me, “That woman has a genetic condition that makes her metabolism work through pain killers faster, she needs at least double the dosage,” which she promptly got me. She cheered me up a bit, helped me dress and was overall just a kind human being. We were even cracking jokes at some point, so much so that all other patients were giggling as well while they were waking up. I like to think they had a nicer time waking up.

Then my doctor who did the operation showed up to do one last check before discharging me. Turns out, the bleeding hadn’t stopped and she needed to do something about it. She and the nurse were prepping me for a short “fix” to the issue and the doctor tells me, “It’s gonna sting now” and she goes ahead and rams a 5cm needle directly into my bleeding, open-wound rectum. I screamed, I cried, you can imagine the rest.

The nurses tried to console me, I shoved them away, even kicked at them while screaming. There was no painkiller, no local anesthetic, nothing. I refused to talk to the doctor afterwards, just kept yelling that I want out. They discharged me, eventually, but not after asking me to stay over night. Doctor finally realized that I didn’t trust her at all anymore, and she suggested I go home and lie down on the sofa to relax. My parting words were “I don’t have a sofa”, and then I walked out.

Final words with the kind nurse who showed me out, “This type of thing should only be done with an anesthetic, I do not understand why the doctor did this.”

I’m considering sueing the hospital at this point, but that really depends on if I can survive this pain and not go mad from it.