Hello everyone! Don’t have a lot to say, finally got around to making the new mega.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
“Disability” is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
what are support systems, what is identity, mention of suicide
I would (half-jokingly) be interested in a case study about friendship and support systems and what kinds of correlations there are and what factors contribute to a support system forming.
I think my brain is a little cooked in that I really don’t see a way to meet new people and make friends, at least in my current ways of approaching things. I have a strong tendency to show up to things, look around, and if someone doesn’t talk to me or something doesn’t catch my interest, I end up leaving, because I just feel weird standing there thinking to myself, “should I talk to someone, who should I talk to, how do I decide” Like showing up to things by myself feels useless, I’m completely on rails.
I have yet to get to a Pride event this year. I consistently have conflicts or am burnt out. But that’s I guess my only chance to meet people remotely like me. Hell, I’d be posting this in the trans comm, but posting there really spikes my rejection sensitivity. I don’t have the energy to do that to myself or ruin the community for other queers.
It’s especially tough because I came out to my pre-COVID friends online and they liked the post and went on with life. Selfishly, I thought at least one person might want to reconnect, or at least say “so that’s where you’ve been!”
I thought about killing myself. I felt like I was already dead. It’s not like anyone was reaching out to me anyway.
And now, if I say anything, I’m bringing up old shit. I’m being dramatic.
I don’t know what I consider a support system, but off the cuff, I’d say I don’t really have one. I have my family, who I can talk to sometimes. But nobody is experiencing this in real time with me. Nobody checks in on me, nobody reaches out if I go quiet.
Maybe deleting my old account was a form of self-rejection. But also, nobody in the trans mega cared when I did post. People invalidated my feelings at times. People gatekept. I felt like I had to prove that I was dysphoric in order to be accepted. That made me more dysphoric.
I just want to find a space where my gender is actively being affirmed, not just “oh I accept you regardless” but like actually having girly conversations and doing girly things. And calling each other girly nicknames, and doing our hair and makeup and going shopping. Or something.
I want to start by saying I’m glad you’re here with us, and I hope I don’t come across as disingenuous when I say that. I am autistic, and I struggle with communication so please feel free to tell me to eff off or disengage if at any point my words make you uncomfortable, unaccepted, or invalidated in any way.
words
I can sympathize with the feelings of isolation with no real support, and the anxiety in social situations. Wish I had a formula I could share to make it easier, but if I’m honest I’m still trying to figure all that out myself. I hope you know it’s not selfish to want people to care, or notice when you’re struggling and need help. The reality is that you deserve a safe space to be your unique and beautiful self and have that celebrated and openly accepted by those around you. It’ll look different for everyone, but I think support can come in all shapes and flavors. The hard part is finding it and recognizing it. Hopefully we can give you a little bit of that here.
I can’t speak on the dysphoria personally, but please know you don’t have to prove anything. I am sorry things have been so difficult, and I genuinely wish that things get better soon. You’ve shared a lot and that’s not always an easy thing to do. You’re appreciated. Sending hugs if wanted.