The boss walks in, there’s someone on the phone for you:
- Phone: “Hi, I’m the leader person behind that book/television/film franchise you complain about online and gee-whiz, you’re right! We want you to run things from here on out.”
- You: “Do I get supreme retcon powers?”
- Phone: “Of course! We’ll even retroactively edit in your changes!”
Huh, that was easy. What are you changing?
The Legend of Korra spoilers:
spoiler
Korra doesn’t stakelessly get her bending back 15 seconds after losing it to Amon. They had the opportunity to give her the self-discovery arc that they tried to shoehorn into the post-Zaheer poison recovery.
The series could’ve had much better footing, in my opinion, if Korra had wrestle with that just a bit longer. Instead, a bunch of bald people show up and say, “I got you, Holmes,” and then she’s good as new.
It’s been a while, and I’ve lost some of my steam over this. But yeah, that’s the only one I’ve got the energy to type out right now.
Warhammer 40k, dumping at least half of pyrrhic shit and needless grimdark but also bringing back the old lore that humans caused chaos.
Isn’t Chaos a part of the universe just like space and time? Those Eldars, Necrons and old ones are basically the one that leave it chaotic and volatile way before human even comes into existence. True human is the dominant life form that’s feeding it, I don’t know when have it ever been human who created Chaos.
Old lore was that humans are responsible for the creation and empowerement of the chaos gods except slaanesh. And while it was never mentioned for ages in franchise at least the empowerment is certainly true since pre Horus Heresy the presence of chaos in the materium was so pitiful that 200 years of Great Crusade barely managed to discover anything substantial. Hell, Word Bearers actively searched for any chaos with dozens, maybe hundreds of fleets and only found it after years of searching. Also while you look at the manifestations of chaos there’s barely anything that can’t be traced to humanity, there’s much talk about chaotic xeno spiecies but their actual effects are always very local (except eldar and slaanesh).
That time Janeway and Paris hit Warp 10 in Star Trek.
Such a cool concept ruined by such a stupid episode.
Also Trip doesn’t die.
Spider-man one more day. Just let aunt May die. Have Peter go to therapy or something for the grief, then years later do a reveal that it was Norman Osborne the entire time.
More The Expanse. More Chrisjen Avasarala. More!
This one’s easy, Warhammer 40k, and all the nonsense about primaris and guilliman returning.
Retconning basically every character death retcon they’ve made in Yakuza over the years, and making Pirates completely non-canon because what the fuck
Make the latest rick and morty season actually funny and good.
at least half of Dragon Ball Super
Star Trek.
Everything after Voyager gets axed completely. 100% retconned. Doesn’t exist. You can’t even joke about happenings in it in any new works.
Voyager and DS9 themselves get trimmed down. DS9 loses 75% of its episodes, Dominion war erased, mundane space station stuff instead, no religious weirdness validated. Voyager gets better ending but retains most of its episodes.
ToS gets turned into legendary chronicles rather than full canon with the more absurd less science bits cut out or reduced to the fantasies of the chronicler. Main stories and characters retained with >=80% of it surviving. Movies from both ToS and TNG era retain full canon status.
It is established that alternative dimensions are extremely limited in number, you cannot do Marvel universe #69 stuff with it, the main one is the nega-universe with evil everything and a few other isolated pocket universes that are short-lived and unstable (often as a result of warp core implosion weirdness and such).
All existing writers and producers currently associated or associated since the end of the Voyager era are summarily fired with prejudice. New ones are hired and quizzed by me to ensure at least the main producers are communists like Roddenberry and do not want to turn my hopeful FALGSC property into grim-dark in space IP number 3. Prominent transgender characters are MANDATORY in the new series and other steps will be taken to drive every last reactionary out of what’s left of the fan-base.
It becomes studio policy to viciously copyright strike anyone uploading video of retconned parts of the IP to any platform as well as to bully journalist insiders with access into adopting the new line by excluding anyone who disagrees with it from access or favor.
On Section 31 and ideology
Section 31 as an organization is rewritten, it exists but is full of the most die-hard communists you’ll ever encounter, they use a modified hammer and sickle with a third more spacey symbol as their crest and do NOT dress like Nazis but like communists in dress and battle uniforms inspired by real world communist movements. They are charged with neutralizing dangerous reactionaries within the federation admiralty and power structure as well as being foreign intelligence. Notes are given to the writers that they are shadowy but heroic, decent, and good as well as very dedicated and the organization screens for and staffs itself with selfless individuals. Several new episodes involving their members getting into time travel and holodeck shenanigans in 1930s, 1940s USSR where they are wowed and amazed at the heroes of old around them.
I…BNW? LD?
