“Matthew Turpin is an American security analyst and former U.S. Army Officer specialized in US-China relations, economic statecraft, and technological innovation. He is currently a visiting fellow at the Hoover Institution and a senior advisor at Palantir Technologies.”

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  • RedSturgeon [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    38·
    1 month ago

    This is so gross how they push the narrative that marginalized groups can be saved, if they just work really hard. I actually ended up fully believing this at one point, but I’m from the Baltics are you guys surprised?

    I’ve had cultural exchange with Japan in school a few times and they always liked to tell us how similar our cultures are.

    Warning for pretty severe Trauma described in detail, if you wish to proceed further.

    So like I have about 5 years of a memory hole in my life, because at one point I convinced myself that yeah, if I just focus all my effort into working for something and try my best, if I just play by the rules I’m gonna make it, because surely the system will catch all the “cheaters”. I was surrounded by people who supported this and praised me for how “principled”. I never felt satisfied during that time and never received any decent material rewards. I didn’t have any time to reflect on things because I’d wake up, get productive, go to sleep.

    The only thing I remember is hurting and being convinced that it’s a good thing. I liked the idea that I was supposedly making the world a better place, after all I wasn’t hurting anyone else, not to my knowledge. I was hoping I will be able to help others once I make it out of here too. At the very end it got really bad, because I had started to try to convince myself that what I feel doesn’t even matter, because it’s just a chemical process in my mind and the reason, that I was trying to tell myself, for why I have been failing, was because I was both not working hard enough yet and because I was too concerned with my own wants, that if I just erased any personal feelings and did what others desires they’d finally recognize me.

    Makes me wonder how many lives get burned out by Capitalism in this kind of fashion. And the thing that’s really scary is how much I resisted listening to anyone who told me I am being self-destructive and none of my ideas make any sense. You honestly couldn’t have helped me even if you tried because I flat out refused to accept assistance. One time I locked myself out of the apartment by accident and people offered to cover the expenses for a room to sleep at, but I refused and ended up not sleeping for a couple nights, even worse I ended up cutting all ties with the people who wanted to help me, figured it’d be better.

    The good is that: I did somehow discover dialectical behavioral therapy and after fumbling around with it for many more years, doesn’t help that I have no access to a professional to supervise me, but eventually I have been able to slowly unshackle myself.

    • FortifiedAttack [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      29·
      1 month ago

      This is life for most people in the West. I’ve had to realize most people enjoy being a cog in a machine, putting tons of effort in a rat race to nowhere. They think making their bosses’ wallet larger helps the world somehow.

      But at the same time, realizing this brings you no catharsis because then you’re just stucking working on stuff that doesn’t matter, and wasting your time and potential doing the bare minimum.

      Only case where I personally find work fulfilling is if it creates something that I can later point my finger at and say “I built that” or “I helped out with this”. But most workers can’t ever say that because they work in services, or their efforts are hidden by the veil of corporate secrecy. Which means outside of the realm of their workplace, they are nobodies. And some manager can easily decide to remove them from that realm, leaving them with nothing.

      I like putting extreme amounts of effort into things. I crave this kind of exertion. But I cannot deal with the fruits of my labor being transient and invisible to humanity. It demotivates me and kills me from the inside.

    • UmmmCheckPlease [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      16·
      1 month ago

      Thank you for sharing your trauma. I’m in the process of learning to accept help, and trying to escape the cycle of similar feelings (realizing how deeply that “work ethic over self worth” has impacted multiple generations of my predecessors.)

      An aside - for what it’s worth - I really enjoy seeing your art. As a vibes-based art enthusiast it really hits the spot. I think it’s how you compose the environment around the subject - the brush styles really complement the emotions

  • Samsuma@lemmy.ml
    22·
    1 month ago

    The Western urge to describe literally anything in terms of systemically disadvantaged people cannot be contained, especially in the Western settler.