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The word “fake” is a way of validating the feeling of imposter syndrome while encouraging people to push past it. The phrase is not about tricking other people. It is about tricking yourself. You are faking away your feelings of incompetence but they are often unjustified.
Its more effective than using a positive affirmation like “you are better than you think you are” because it allows people to keep feeling what they are feeling until reality proves otherwise. “you are better than you think you are” allows people to limit how much better they are while still undervaluing their capability. “Fake it till you make it” lets people feel like they suck until they realize that they really don’t and never did.
Vulnerability is nice but not if it is coming from low self esteem or unfounded emotions. If you don’t tell yourself that you are capable of doing something you will never be capable of it. Pushing your boundaries is the only way to find the true extent of your capabilities.
The saying is a way of conquering imposter syndrome. The advice is that you need to practice being the person you want to be instead of allowing unfounded fears stop you from trying.
That’s an interesting take on it and one that seems like overall a valid way to make use of the phrase in practice, but I’ve never gotten the impression that most people using the phrase are talking about overcoming imposter syndrome. I’d think if they were, they would be explaining that’s what it is about and I have no recollection of any association between the two, so if people have done so explicitly before, it’s probably not something I personally heard.
That said, I have to disagree on some of the specifics:
This seems like a confused understanding of what vulnerability is. Vulnerability isn’t supposed to be pretty and cool and presented just right. The whole point of vulnerability is being real about things and that could include low self esteem, it could include worries, insecurities, or also hopes, dreams, goals, etc. It’s something that some of us more than others struggle with, at least in part due to fearing being taken advantage of or used in some way, because there is a real risk with vulnerability that what you share might be used against you. This is part of what I’m touching on when I say “is the culture punishing that kind of honesty, I wonder,” i.e. is the actual cultural norms encouraging people to use others’ vulnerable stuff against them in one way or another.
So to invalidate vulnerability if it is “coming from low self esteem or unfounded emotions” is invalidating a critical part of what vulnerability is. And, in fact, I’d argue that the way you’re framing use of the phrase “fake it til you make it” is an individualist solution to what could be healthier in a community capacity, if people trusted each other more and were more reliant on one another. It doesn’t actually address what is causing the insecurity in the first place and it builds no bonds with other people over shared struggles.
This sounds straight out of a motivational seminar and simply doesn’t make sense. The part that follows, about pushing your boundaries, makes more sense. What you tell yourself doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with it. A kid learning to ride a bike doesn’t need to get into mental gymnastics about telling themself they’re a good bike rider in order to do it, they just need to get a feel for it until it starts building in their muscle memory. They may try to avoid doing it at all if they believe they are incapable, that much is true, limiting beliefs are a thing and can be a problem, but the belief doesn’t prevent competence itself, it just is likely to get in the way of action. I’ve heard it’s common, for example, for people in software to have imposter syndrome. This doesn’t mean software is rife with incompetents because of their beliefs about themselves. They’re still good programmers, many of them, they just don’t see it.
And the flip side of this is that it’s possible to overrate your own competence too. Sometimes this can get you far because of charisma and the like, when you aren’t actually that qualified, which is counter to having reliable expertise in a field. But if things are based on a ladder of social status and needing to climb the ladder to be materially better off, some people are going to take full advantage of that.
Many people who use the phrase mean “lie about your credentials and hope you don’t get caught until you are too enmeshed to easily replace.” On the one hand its unfortunate that those people have been rather successful but on the other hand it seems like a capitalism problem and the enmeshed incompetence and fraud is just another part of the collapse capitalists have made for themselves. It does suck for the non fakers existing under capitalism but it is kinda fitting that incompetence would weave its way through the system.
I remember the moment where I chose to “fake it till I made it” and it was exactly in those terms.
I used to have serious self esteem issues. I was extremely bullied in school. I thought I was ugly and weird. I had major guilt complexes because of my evangelical upbringing. I was small and weedy for my age, I wore big hoodies and baggy clothes and didn’t like people looking at my face. Friends and family always told me I was good looking but I assumed they were being patronizing.
I also remember few years later the moment I realized I had “made it” and that I should probably dial down the faking it because at a certain point over confidence is as off putting as low self esteem.
What I meant by “If you don’t tell yourself that you are capable of doing something you will never be capable of it.” is that if you “know” you cannot do something you will not give it your best and more likely not even make an attempt because you will see it as wasted effort. Its the opposite of “you can do anything you put your mind to” its “You cant do anything unless you try to do it.”
A kid needs to think that riding a bike is possible not that they are good. I was bad at learning to ride a bike. I could ride a bike just fine but I couldn’t believe I was capable of doing it.
I could ride when my dad was pretending to hold the seat. (I could “fake it”) He’d let go and run beside me for 100m telling me he was still holding on. Then he’d stop and I’d ride alone fro 100m but the second I noticed that he wasn’t running beside me, I crashed because I was so convinced that I couldn’t ride a bike. He’d tell me I had been riding by myself but I was so hurt that “he let me crash” I wouldn’t hear it. My self doubt would force me to disbelieve the reality that I had ridden on my own. I don’t know how he eventually broke through but eventually he convinced me I had “made it.”