Be gay. Do crimes.

This is the year the straights became extinct through mass rainbow indoctrination.

MEMO: OFFICE OF ALLYSHIP STANDARDS

Effective 6/10/25:

• Straight couples must secure a “Temporary Hetero Permit” (THP) for public handholding.
• Permits require 3 notarized letters of support from trans neighbors (FORM T-9).

FORMAL NOTICE: FLAG CODE REVISION

Per STATUTE PRIDE-7: Failure to display rainbow flags on primary domicile results in:
1st offense: Community service (bedazzling city buses).
2nd offense: Mandatory karaoke to Cher’s entire discography (Enforcement via Firearm)

All Funding secured via “Straight Tears” tax (CODE: ST-2025).

Gay Pride is cancelled, we’re doing Gay Wrath this year

Everyday at 12:00 EDT everyone has to do a big gay.

We’re aiming to normalize vigilante executions for so-called “straight” marriages. Honestly, that might have to be a stretch goal; we are confident that we can obtain death sentencing with due-process for this depraved act, at least.